Fear

Recently I have embarked on a new journey placed before me by God…

I speak of it in my last blog entry…

Journey

I am only a few months into this new journey…

I find myself feeling so excited at times and then my ‘flesh’ cries out and I am filled with fear of the unknown to come.

Now fear only comes from one source, and that is Satan.

From my experience in the past it has been shown that when God is moving in amazing ways in your life the enemy gets intrigued and decides to rattle us with hopes of derailing God’s will.

Lately I have found this to be evident in my life, where the enemy has been ‘trying’ to derail God’s will in my life, especially in regards to this new journey He has set me on.

Not long after my last blog entry I found myself being faced with a few ‘obstacles’.

You ever hear that saying ‘when it rains it pours’?

Well a hurricane hit my life, and I was challenged immensely.

At first it was just pure horrible fear that one day crept upon me out of no where.  I was unable at first to really articulate why or what was causing such fear in me.  I just knew that my ‘flesh’ was freaking out and it almost felt like it was trying to control me, distract me even, if that makes sense?

Naturally I turned to the Father for answers.  I prayed and listened to worship music.  Through that I discovered the incredible crippling fear I was feeling was due to my wanting to have complete control and sight over everything to come, the unknown ahead of me.

I was quickly reminded who was Sovereign over my life, and reminded that He has gotten me thus far, and anytime He has asked me to ‘jump’ He has always caught me.

He brought this scripture to my remembrance:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

Life went on…but as I found myself more into scripture and working on myself, the ‘beast’ reared it’s ugly head…

All of a sudden the enemy was attacking a few of my friendships, and a loved one was hospitalized and I spent a long day at her bedside…

Each one of these things all created a certain depth of fear within me…

These events all happened within days of each other, and it felt like an incredible hurricane that just got worse and worse with each day.

It challenged me to dig deep and remember who I was in Christ, and where my strength comes from.  I had to have faith, faith that God would carry me through, faith in others that I had built strong bonds with, and trust that God would show Himself in that as well.

In the middle of all this chaos, I found myself sitting in the emergency room at the bedside of a loved one for hours.  She slept most of the time, and I found myself alone with my thoughts.

I was alone, and the fear washed over me with great strength.  I found myself almost unable to swallow it was so intense.

Then I remembered one of my favorite lyrics from a Casting Crowns song…

Titled ‘Oh My Soul’:

There’s a place where fear has to face the God you know!

At that moment I made a conscious decision that indeed my fear would have to face God.  So I pulled out my notebook and I began to write and pray, and God met me in that hospital room.  The more and more I wrote the more I felt at peace.  And I didn’t stop writing until my ‘flesh‘ was at peace.

(I will be posting a blog soon that shows what I wrote that day)

During that time He reminded me of Psalm 46:10

Be still and know that I am God!

Moving forward from that day some things were still in limbo with a few friendships, but I carried on praying, and trying to lay it all down before God. 

Thing is I kept laying it down and then picking it back up.  At the time I felt like my patience was being tested, but it was actually being refined.

With each struggle there is always a lesson from the Father.  I found myself throwing my arms up alot with frustration because the ‘lesson’ was not coming into focus yet.

The situation called me to simply ‘trust’….

Trust first an for most the Father in Heaven, and then trust in these bonds that God had aligned in my life.  God just kept telling me to ‘trust’ in the truth, trust in who He says that I am, and who they are, and the unconditional love that has bonded us…….

After almost 2 weeks of this struggle I found myself at a breaking point, where my ‘flesh’ was at it’s loudest, the fear was it’s deepest, my emotions chaotic, and the enemy savoring eagerly at a possible victory…

God spoke loudly:

Be still and know the I AM GOD!  Psalm 46:10

Almost like He was saying ‘Enough is Enough!’…

I surrendered completely at that moment all tears ended, peace flooded over me, and as I went to bed that night I felt like everything was finally going to be okay, and even though I didn’t know how, it didn’t bother me one bit, I allowed the Father to hold me in slumber…

The next day I was calm, and I just relied on the Father to just have His will be done. 

And His will was done! 

That evening I was able to come together with these ‘friends’ and God was all over that evening. 

Reconciliation was achieved to which I know the enemy shook and fled for he does not want sisters and brothers in Christ to come together and be bonded and fortified with Christ as their foundation.

God who is perfect love delivered this scripture to me in reference to ‘the enemy’:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

I walked away from those experiences feeling different…

As I should…

God used those situations to work in me, to fortify me within, to remind me who I am in Him, and that fear has no place in my life.  He also armed me with the ‘tools’ I need pressing forward on my journey to combat such fear, and those ‘tools’ are LOVE, and HIS TRUTH.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things?

If God is for us, who can be against us?

Romans 8:31